Grief is Not Linear: How the Expansion-Contraction Model Helps in Healing
In primary school, we learnt about how materials expand when heated and contract when cooled. Naturally, curious me had to test it out. So, when I got home, I grabbed a metal fork, held it over a candle flame, and waited. (Not my finest moment of scientific brilliance.) It didn’t take long before I yelped and dropped the fork—turns out, the heat works fast.
That little experiment stuck with me—partly because of the burn, but mostly because it’s a pretty good metaphor for grief. Years later, I came across the idea of contraction and expansion in Joanne Cacciatore’s Bearing the Unbearable, and it made me curious to explore how this cycle plays out in the healing process.
What Is the Expansion-Contraction Model?
Grief has its own rhythm. It pulls us inward—moments when we feel overwhelmed, like we’re closing ourselves off from the world. This is what I call the contraction phase, a time when we retreat, focus inward, and conserve our emotional energy. It’s not about shutting down; it’s the body’s way of protecting itself from the full force of the pain. We pull in, just like a shell closing to protect what's inside.
But that’s not where it ends. After a period of contraction, there comes expansion—the moments when we start to open back up, little by little, to life around us. It’s not about suddenly feeling “better” or “getting over it,” but rather about feeling that first deep breath return, or maybe a flicker of curiosity about the world outside. These moments of expansion allow us to heal, one small step at a time.
Grief Doesn’t Follow a Straight Line
Here’s the thing about grief—it doesn’t follow a neat, straight line. One day, you might feel like you’re making progress, only to find yourself back in a place of contraction the next. It’s not a setback; it’s just how grief works. Think of it like a star collapsing inward before exploding into a supernova, or a mother’s contractions before she brings new life into the world. The cycle of contraction and expansion is part of the larger process of grief healing.
Living with the Cycles of Grief
The hardest part about grief is learning to trust this back-and-forth process. It’s tempting to fight against the contraction, to believe that we’re supposed to be “moving on.” But grief isn’t something you just get over. It’s something you live with. Some days, you’ll feel the weight of that contraction, and other days, you’ll find yourself in moments of expansion. The key is to allow these phases to come and go in their own time, while staying present in a safe and supportive environment.
Trusting the Wisdom of Our Bodies
Our bodies already know what to do. It knows when to pull in and when to let go. The cycle of contraction and expansion mirrors our breathing—each inhale and exhale guiding us through the tough stuff. By tuning into this rhythm, we can start to trust our bodies to carry us through grief with a little more grace and compassion.
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Warmly,
George Chan
This Is How We Heal
George Chan, MCOU, is a Counsellor, Grief Educator and Breathwork Coach who specialises in helping individuals navigate grief and loss through his private practice, This Is How We Heal. With a rich background in theatre and entertainment, George brings creativity and empathy to his work. When he's not in the therapy room, you might find him performing, choreographing, or working on a new production—or spending time with Luna, his Jack Russell Terrier, who doubles as his unofficial co-therapist and production critic.