Breathwork Techniques for Coping with Grief: Finding Calm Amidst the Storm
When the waves of grief hit, it can feel like you're completely adrift, tossed around by emotions that are impossible to control. I’ve experienced it myself, and one of the techniques that has helped me anchor myself in those moments is something I learned from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), called Dropping the Anchor.
The thing is, ACT doesn’t ask us to ignore or push away difficult emotions. Instead, it helps us create space around them. With Dropping the Anchor, I visualise myself as a boat in a storm—grief and stress are the waves, but the anchor keeps me ‘grounded’. The idea is simple: focus on where you are and engage your body. You might press your feet into the ground, feel the weight of your body, and start to slow down your breathing. You’re not stopping the storm, but you’re steadying yourself so you’re not swept away.
For me, breathwork has become an essential part of staying grounded, especially during moments when grief feels overwhelming. It’s not just about calming down; it helps me stay connected to the present when everything feels uncertain. I often remind myself that the past is over and the future is yet to happen, but the present is something I can connect with through my breath. Once I began incorporating breathwork into the Dropping the Anchor technique, I realized how it gave me something tangible to focus on—something steady to hold on to when everything else seemed to be slipping away.
What is Breathwork and Why Does It Help?
So, what exactly is breathwork? In simple terms, it’s a way of using your breath consciously to change how you feel. When you’re deep in grief, your body often reacts by making your breathing shallow and fast, which only makes the emotional rollercoaster worse. But by practicing intentional breathing, you can calm your nervous system and bring yourself back to a more grounded state.
In moments of grief, breathwork doesn’t take away the pain, but it can help you find moments of peace within it. It helps with anxiety, sleeplessness, and even those moments when you feel completely overwhelmed.
Here are three simple techniques that have made a big difference for me. They’re gentle enough that almost anyone can try them, including if you’re pregnant or have mild asthma. That said, always listen to your body—if anything feels uncomfortable, stop.
Three Breathwork Techniques for Grief
1. Box Breathing (4-4-4-4 Breathing)
How to do it:
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold your breath for a count of 4.
Exhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold again for a count of 4.
Repeat this cycle 6 rounds, more if possible.
Why it works: You might be surprised to learn that Navy SEALs use Box Breathing to stay calm and focused under pressure. It helps slow down your breathing, which in turn helps regulate your nervous system. This technique is especially great when you need to find some balance in the middle of chaos.
2. Extended Exhale Breathing
How to do it:
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Exhale slowly through your nose for a count of 6 or 8.
Repeat at least 10 times, more if possible.
Why it works: By making the exhale longer than the inhale, you’re telling your body it’s time to relax. This engages your parasympathetic nervous system (the part that helps you chill out), shifting you out of fight-or-flight mode and into rest-and-recover mode. It’s a great technique for those moments when grief feels overwhelming, and you just need to release some tension.
3. Diaphragmatic Breathing (Belly Breathing)
How to do it:
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly.
Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to rise as you fill your lungs.
Exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your belly fall as you release the air.
Repeat this at least 10 times, more if possible.
Why it works:
Diaphragmatic Breathing helps engage the diaphragm, which increases oxygen flow and calms the nervous system. This technique can be particularly effective when lying on your back or side, which enhances the feeling of your diaphragm moving. When practiced regularly, it can offer a lasting sense of inner calm.
Closing Thoughts: Choosing the Right Breathwork for Different Challenges
Breathwork can help with all sorts of challenges—whether it’s calming down before bed, managing anxiety, or even generating energy before a big presentation. Techniques like Box Breathing can help you regain balance under pressure, while something like Diaphragmatic Breathing brings grounding and calm during times of grief.
That said, it’s always important to get proper guidance for certain techniques, especially more advanced ones like Buteyko methods or dynamic breathing, which might not be right for everyone. The techniques I’ve shared here are gentle and safe for most people, but always listen to your body.
Breathwork has been my anchor through the toughest of times, and I hope it can be yours too.
If you found this post helpful, feel free to share it with someone who might benefit!
Warmly,
George Chan
This Is How We Heal
George Chan, MCOU, is a Counsellor, Grief Educator and Breathwork Coach who specialises in helping individuals navigate grief and loss through his private practice, This Is How We Heal. With a rich background in theatre and entertainment, George brings creativity and empathy to his work. When he's not in the therapy room, you might find him performing, choreographing, or working on a new production—or spending time with Luna, his Jack Russell Terrier, who doubles as his unofficial co-therapist and production critic.